If a child tells you something worrying, listen calmly, let them go at their own pace, and reassure them they’ve done the right thing by telling you. Don’t promise to keep it secret, don’t question them or confront anyone, and write down their words as soon as you can. Then tell your designated safeguarding lead the same day.
It’s the end of a Saturday class. A child hangs back, fiddling with their shoe bag, and says quietly, “Can I tell you something?” Everyone else has gone to find their parents. You have a minute, maybe two, and you want to get it right.
Most of us hope this never happens in our studio. But if you teach children, it’s worth knowing exactly what to do before it does. This guide takes you through it step by step.
Why the first conversation matters
Children often find it very hard to tell an adult that something is wrong. They may be scared they won’t be believed, worried about getting someone into trouble, or unsure they have the right words. Sometimes they tell you a little, watch how you react, and decide whether to say more.
The NSPCC’s guidance on responding to a child’s disclosure says that giving your full attention, taking your time and reflecting back what they’ve said helps a child feel listened to and taken seriously. It also notes that it can take several conversations for a child to share what has happened to them. Your calm, kind response in that first moment can decide whether they ever tell anyone again.
You are not there to investigate or to decide whether it’s true. Your job is to listen, reassure, record and pass it on.
What to do in the moment
The government’s guidance for out-of-school settings and the NSPCC’s advice on what to do if a child reveals abuse agree on the basics.
Listen carefully
Give the child your full attention. Stop what you’re doing, get down to their level if they’re small, and keep your face and body language open and calm. Let them take their time and don’t fill the pauses. If you look shocked or doubtful, they may stop talking or take it back.
Reassure them
Tell them they’ve done the right thing by telling you. Tell them it isn’t their fault. Tell them you’re taking it seriously. Children who have kept something secret for a while may have been worried they wouldn’t be believed, so these simple words matter more than you’d think.
Explain what happens next
Be honest, in a way that suits their age. For a younger child, you might say you’re going to talk to someone whose job is to help. For an older child, you can say you need to tell someone who can keep them safe. The NSPCC suggests this approach, and the government’s guidance says to explain what you’ll do next, if it’s age appropriate.
Don’t promise to keep it secret
This is the one that catches people out, because it feels kind to say “I won’t tell anyone.” But you can’t keep that promise, and breaking it later could cost you the child’s trust. NSPCC Learning says plainly never to promise a child you’ll keep what they tell you a secret. Explain that you need to share it with someone who can help.
What you might say
You don’t need a script, but it helps to have a few phrases ready so you’re not searching for words:
- “Thank you for telling me. You’ve done the right thing.”
- “I’m listening. Take your time.”
- “It isn’t your fault.”
- “I’m taking this seriously.”
- “I can’t keep this a secret, because I need to tell someone who can help keep you safe.”
Use the child’s own words when you reflect back what they’ve said. If they say “he hurts me,” you say “he hurts you,” rather than swapping in your own words.
If a child needs somewhere confidential to talk, you can point them to Childline. The NSPCC says calls to Childline on 0800 1111 are free.
What not to do
It’s just as important to know what to avoid, however well meant.
- Don’t confront the person the child has mentioned. The NSPCC warns it could make things worse for the child.
- Don’t investigate or ask leading questions. The government’s guidance says investigating yourself could put a police or social care investigation at risk.
- Don’t talk about what the child said with the person they’ve named, or with other parents or staff who don’t need to know.
- Don’t agree to keep it secret.
- Don’t wait. If you’re unsure whether it counts, tell your DSL anyway.
If you ask anything at all, keep it open and simple, such as “Can you tell me more about that?” Let the child lead.
Write it down
As soon as you can after the conversation, make notes while the details are fresh. The NSPCC’s advice on recognising and responding to abuse says to include:
- the child’s details, such as name and age
- what the child said or did that worried you, using their exact words where it was a verbal disclosure
- any information they’ve given about who may be responsible
Add the date, the time and anyone else who was present. Stick to facts. Leave out your opinions and guesses. Sign and date your notes and hand them to your DSL.
The government’s guidance says safeguarding records should be stored securely, ideally in a private office, with access limited to the DSL or other relevant senior colleagues. Records should be kept only for as long as necessary.
Who do you tell?
Tell your designated safeguarding lead (DSL) the same day, ideally straight away. If you don’t yet have a DSL, our guide to what a DSL does in a dance school explains how to name one.
If a child is at risk of immediate harm, call the police on 999. Don’t wait for the DSL.
The government’s guidance says the DSL should report the concern without delay to the local authority designated officer (LADO), and as appropriate to children’s social care and the police. Your DSL can also talk it through with children’s social care before deciding whether to refer.
If you want advice or reassurance, the NSPCC helpline is available on 0808 800 5000.
The out-of-school settings guidance is written with England in mind and isn’t statutory, but the practical steps above are sound across the UK. If you teach in Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland, check the local arrangements too. This is general guidance, not legal advice.
Looking after yourself afterwards
Hearing a disclosure can be upsetting, even when you do everything right. Once you’ve passed it on, speak to your DSL about how you’re feeling and what support is available. Don’t carry it alone, and don’t discuss it with friends or other parents, as that risks the child’s privacy.
Our guides to safeguarding in dance schools and safeguarding private dance lessons set out our approach to keeping children safe in everyday teaching, which is the best way to make children feel safe to speak up.
Quick checklist for a disclosure
- Stay calm and give the child your full attention.
- Listen. Don’t interrupt, question or show shock.
- Reassure them: they’ve done the right thing and it’s not their fault.
- Don’t promise secrecy. Explain you need to tell someone who can help.
- Don’t confront anyone or investigate.
- Write down what was said, in their words, as soon as you can.
- Tell your DSL the same day. Call 999 if a child is in immediate danger.
- Keep it private, and look after yourself.
Frequently asked questions
Who do I report to?
Your DSL, the same day. They’ll decide the next steps, such as contacting children’s social care, the LADO or the police. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999.
What do I write down?
Record the child’s details, what they said in their own words, what you saw, the date and time, and who was there. Keep to facts, then sign and date it.
Can I tell the parent?
Not before you’ve spoken to your DSL. If the worry involves someone at home, telling a parent could make things worse for the child. The DSL will decide who needs to be told and when, taking advice from children’s social care or the police where needed.
What if the child asks me to keep it secret?
Be kind but honest. Say you can’t keep it secret, because you need to tell someone who can help. Never promise confidentiality you can’t give.
What if I’m not sure it counts?
Tell your DSL anyway. It’s never wrong to pass on a worry, and the DSL is there to judge what it means. A small detail from you may be one piece of a bigger picture.
What if the person involved is the DSL?
Don’t pass it to them. Follow your policy for concerns about the DSL, or contact your LADO or your local authority’s children’s social care directly. If a child is at immediate risk, call the police. The NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000 can also advise.
Be ready before it happens
Knowing what to do makes it far easier to stay calm when a child chooses to confide in you. If you’d like your whole team to share the same starting point, Introduction to Safeguarding in Dance (Level 1) is a free BDSA course powered by Teach.Dance, and it’s a good first step for everyone who works with children in your school.
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